Normal

Aurora 4What do you accept as normal? It’s funny because just about everything we accept as normal at one time was considered abnormal. Everything from premarital sex to lack of gun control is normal now. In the 1940’s and 50’s most people really didn’t have sex until they were married. As recently as the 1970’s there were strict curbs on gun possession and types of weapons available.

But, now, and for a long time now, both hooking up single and wanton gun violence are considered the norm. Why? We get used to things that we don’t reject with enough collective force because we become distracted by other more pressing problems, and then either they have an inherent justice that makes them acceptable, or in other cases, greater forces are able to oppress us with the status quo.

As we know politicians are pros at distracting us with shiny things. Trump has made a career and now a Presidency out of a never ending game of three card Monte. He does something outrageous and the cover for it is something more outrageous. The daily shifting of the narrative is now normal.

My statement here is not a judgment about sex or gun violence. What’s the big deal about sex anyways? Consensual sex is the major component of the human experience. It’s natural, it feels good, everybody seems to like it. You just have to be aware that there may be unintended consequences and accept responsibility for yourself. And guns? I’ve given up on that at this point. If massacring a classroom of 1st graders didn’t get the society to do something significant, then you have to figure the debate is effectively over. Our collective will is weak and we’ve decided money is more important than the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, of not just 6 year olds, but all of us.

But, the thing about normal is this: What’s normal for the United States is not necessarily normal in other places. For example, if Sandy Hook had happened in France, millions would have been in the streets and they would have stayed there until something was changed. They would have changed their whole government if necessary by the sheer veracity of their Frenchness. That’s just the way they roll.

I was just in Iceland. What’s normal for the Icelandic people is far different.   There’s 350,000 people living in the country and it takes about 4 hours to get from end to end. Once you’re outside Reykjavik, the economy seems to be overwhelmingly focused on sheep and horses. So, of course it’s different. They are concentrating on community and sticking together, because they depend on each other to get by.

They don’t understand what’s going on in the US at all. Why would they? They have no context for living in a society of 330 million people. By their standards we’re incredibly abnormal. By our standards they are quaint at best. But, which is normal? It depends on your circumstances and context.

But, what about shifting normal? First, you have to discover the baseline of your reality based on the world directly around you. Then you have to examine it versus what will give your life meaning and what is acceptable or unacceptable to your circumstances. If you can’t reconcile what your meaning is with the baseline, you need to shift your “normal.” Every gay person who has ever come out has had to do this.  To further that thought, marriage equality is in that space between abnormal and normal.  After a time it will enter the normal sphere fully, just as marriage between races has.

Decide what is your normal. But, at the same time, realize that others have their normal. Normal is not the exercise of getting all of our ideals to match up. Normal should be not getting sucked into a status quo that excludes some and silences others, but that is often exactly what happens in the pursuit of “normal.”

If you know me well, I certainly hope that you don’t think I’m normal, because I don’t think I believe in it any longer. Hopefully, you think I’m too complex and hard to pin down to think I’m normal. As I look back, I realize I’ve changed so much over the years that I could never be considered normal from a simple congruency standpoint.

In actuality, normal is and should be considered the process of change. Abnormal is feeling that the status quo is appropriate, that everything is fine the way it is. That nothing ever really changes. Abnormal is demanding that everyone should agree with you.

Normal is the realization that the only constant in the world is change. Normal is evolution. Normal is knowing that everything, including you and I are temporary. Temporary problems, temporary raptures. In the end it will all pass away and be replaced by something new.  Take it all in and go with it, because that is the only normal offered to any of us.

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Painted Tigers

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“There was a hermit monk living in a cave in the mountains of Japan.
He was a talented artist, and over time he painted a picture of a tiger on the wall of the cave. He was extremely meticulous in his work, and it took him several years to finish. When it was finally done, the tiger was so realistic that when he looked at it he became frightened.”
Excerpt From: Goldstein, Joseph. “Mindfulness.” 
How much of our day is spent on “Painted Tigers?” In this Zen story, the monk becomes frightened of his own creation.  But, not just his creation, what the creation represents.  If it is indeed an image that becomes real in his mind, it could certainly eat him now or if he stays in his cave, it could eat him in the future.
Can an image kill you? Of course not, or can it?
What you hold in you mind, an image from the past that hurt you, an image that makes you apprehensive of the future will define your reality.  I’ll take myself for example.  Cold calling artists I would like to work with fills me with dread.  Why?  Any time I reach out to someone I do not know already, who doesn’t know my work, there is always the possibility of rejection, and that is a painted tiger.
I remember all the times I called people in the past and they rejected me – painted tiger.  Never mind that I’m relatively successful and I have also reached out with great success.  But, in the moment I don’t remember the successes, only the failures. Rationally I know why, because they cause psychic pain!
Our minds are optimized for two things: to seek pleasure and to avoid pain.  Of the two, avoiding pain (like being attacked by a Tiger!) is the stronger of the two instincts, and on a primal level your mind doesn’t differentiate between a tiger and a phone call. So, it becomes easy that in our attempts to avoid pain we paralyze ourselves.
The kicker is that paralysis also causes pain. The pain of failure and regret for having not acted in the first place.  It’s a vicious cycle. But, even as the cycle may have started many years ago with real pain, it is now and into your future only being perpetuated by a painted tiger.
You have a choice: You can continue to stare at your painted tigers and scare yourself into inaction. Or, you can choose to see it for what it is: an image from your past that is ruining your present and future.
By doing so, you paint over it and reclaim your power.  What are your “painted tigers?”  Declaring them publicly is a way to cast them aside.  Feel free to use the comments to share.

Values

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What do you value? Your family, wife, kids, friends, filmmaking, your career? All of the above? In what proportions?

In your work, what value do you provide? Are there multiple elements to your value? In what proportions?

Most importantly, what are your “values?”  I would argue that values inform what you value and the value you provide, and all of their proportions.  Your values, or “how you see the world” or “what you stand for” tells the world everything it needs to know about you.

So, what are your values? What are the principles that guide your life.  Mine are: honesty, loyalty, hard work and humility.  You see, knowing this about myself helps me color inside the lines.  When I fall outside my values (and I often do, especially the humility one) , knowing that I have contemplated and articulated the things that are my guiding principles will instantly set me straight.  In any situation, I am either walking with integrity in my truth or I am not, and if I’m not,  it’s up to me to get back on the right side of my values.

It’s good to take stock. Do you value honesty, yet find yourself lying a lot, even about little things, even if to just spare other’s feelings?  Doesn’t matter, you have to call bullshit on yourself and get back to where you’re supposed to be.  You may have to fess up, make amends and now try twice as hard.  It’s worth it.

It’s also OK to have a values wish list that you are working towards.  On mine would be “no-ego,” but I’m so far from it that anyone who knows me would do a spit take at the very mention of no ego and Steve in the same sentence.  I wield mine like a Sith Lord with a double sided Light Saber.  It doesn’t mean I can’t aspire to it, notice where the line is and work towards getting and staying on the right side of it.  That’s how you start to develop better habits.

So, think about it and as an exercise in getting on the same page with yourself.  If you dare, state them in the comments below.  What are your values? Whatever they are, know that they will directly affect what and who you value AND the value you provide.

Scarcity

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I think we’ve all heard at this point about how what drives us are the opposing elements of love and fear.  That we are fight or flight animals that at our core are driven by our survival instincts.  All of this is true.  All of this is fact.  It’s the mere functioning of our primitive brain.  But, one thing that always gets lost is that in the modern world, in our modern brain, most of our fight or flight responses are being translated into what we don’t have and how to get it.

Do you want to know why you are worried about getting enough work?  Lack of resources = financial scarcity.  Lack of good projects to work on = creative scarcity.  Lack of a good partner that shows you the love and support you need = emotional scarcity…  and on and on.

It’s so easy to blame others for all of this.  Dr. Brené Brown states: “Blame is the discharge of pain and discomfort.” Look what’s happening in our country right now.  Nationalism and Populism depend on creating divisions  between people based on finite resources and scarcity.  So, those exploiting that ideology for their own gain begin by blaming the “other.”  Mexicans will take your job. Muslims will take your safety. Transgenders will take your children’s innocence. While none of this is true, the easiest way to manipulate people is through scarcity, and it’s all around us.

Tune into a shopping channel sometime. Always on the screen are the amount of time left on the sale and how many units there are left to buy.  It’s designed to manipulate with the idea of finite resources and to create the anxiety of being left out.

Scarcity is rarely anchored in the moment.  If you are hungry right now and have no food that’s one thing, but I can’t imagine anyone reading this is in that position.  Scarcity as we experience it has a context based on the past or future.  Just take the White Supremacists in Charlottesville chanting “Jews will not replace us.”  That’s not a fear based in the moment. To be replaced in the future assumes you are currently holding some position. They’re fearful they’ll be left out someday?  That they’ll somehow be replaced at some point down the road?  It’s idiotic.  No wonder they’re anxious. They are focused on a dark, completely undefined future of scarcity, not what is good right now.  At the very least, in the present they have those groovy white polo shirts and khaki pants uniforms. that’s something, right?

So, what’s the antidote?  What would happen if we stopped listening to the shrill drone of marketers, politicians, reality television and social media?  All of the forces saying:  “you are not getting enough” which is really code for “you are not enough.” The answer is simple: it would force us into the present where, if you look around, you’ll find plenty of abundance and much to be grateful for.

Each of our mind’s create the Universe we live in. Focus your mind on the abundance and love you have right now, not on the ambiguous scarcity you may or may not experience in the future. Or, equally important, don’t dwell on the things you lacked in the past.  There is nothing you can do about that anymore.  If you can bring yourself to the present moment, you’ll feel better and you’ll be able to think more clearly about what really matters.  I promise.

Transformation

Artists are in the transformation business.  Business is in the transformation business.  Society is in the transformation business. We all seek the same thing.  A better way, a better life, a better world, and as Steve Jobs famously said:  “making a dent in the universe.”

We can choose through our actions to just reflect what has already been present in the world, or we can choose to make our way forward with the spirit of transformation and evolution.  To be truly useful and to lead fulfilling lives, we have no choice but to consciously and constantly engage the world in a transformative way.

But, transformation works both ways. When you engage the world through transformation, you get to choose to evolve or devolve. Evolution is forward thinking, bright and dynamic. Devolution is a dark corridor, full of derivative thought and laggards. The Rainbow flag and the Confederate flag as art and symbol for example.  Which one is transformative in a evolutionary way and which is devolutionary?

With every breath we take in the entire universe.  Everything that has been and everything that will be. That is a mighty responsibility. There’s a simple fact to our biology:  within every human now living  resides some molecules of every human that has ever lived, and our earliest relatives came from stardust. So too, in one thousand years our molecules will reside in others.  Yes, with every breathe we take in the entire universe.

It’s easy to disappear into the problems of every day life and forget that we’re here to create and move forward.  It’s easy to to think that “I’m just one person, what can I possibly do?”

Jobs didn’t do it alone.  Churchill rallied a country but didn’t take on the nazis by himself.  These people had vision yes, but it took many thousands of people to transform that vision into transformative experiences.  Edison didn’t do it alone, nor did Charlie Chaplin, Mary Ellen Mark or George Lucas.  They had friends, family, crews, executives and an audience that wanted to evolve with them.  They together transformed industry, art and society.

Do you want to feel excited about what you do and what you’re leaving to your children?   Commit to evolution and be in the transformation business. Use your creative voice to make a dent in the universe.

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Wind Direction

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Have you checked the wind direction lately?

Where are you going?

Are you still on course?

Did you decide along the way to head in another much more desirable direction than where you first intended to go, but suddenly find you are still headed towards your first destination?

Has a storm risen up, forcing you to set down for a while to wait for better conditions?

Have you followed a tributary inland and now find yourself fighting your way upstream?

Has the sea totally dried up and you find your boat aground?

 

After you choose a destination, it’s easy to not notice what’s happening around you if the first part of the journey goes smoothly.  You think you’re focused, but focused on what? It’s easy to wait until it’s too late to change course.  We have so many distractions, so many things trying to get our attention that it’s no wonder that obvious changes to the environment can take us by surprise.

Any port in a storm is often a mistake.  It’s preferable to sail through the tempest.  You may know you don’t have the skill set to enter the storm, but if you can survive you will have the skills forever after. No storm can then frighten you and you may even welcome them as they put you at your best.

Just be careful not to create storms where they don’t exist. They come from changing your destination from week to week because you can’t see past the horizon. That boat just sails in circles.

Check the wind direction, set the sails, push off and stay the course. But, remember that the only constant is change. Conditions may change to the degree that you abandon your ultimate destination for another.  It’s life, we all need to do that from time to time, just make sure you are not compromising your truth or the desire of your soul.

So, have courage, be adaptable, watch the sea carefully and listen to the breeze as it whispers.  The wind will tell you everything you need to know.

Ambition

“He who stands on tiptoe
doesn’t stand firm.
He who rushes ahead
doesn’t go far.
He who tries to shine
dims his own light.
He who defines himself
can’t know who he really is.
He who has power over others
can’t empower himself.
He who clings to his work
will create nothing that endures.
If you want to accord with the Universe,
just do your job, then let go.”
– Lao Tzu
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As I watch the National tragedy play out in Washington.  A President and those close to him only focused on their own benefit, both in terms of power and plunder, I have to ask: as the days and weeks and eventually years go by, what effect does it all have on us deep inside?  What effect does the barrage of reckless and unreasonable blind ambition have on each of us and our businesses? On our families?
Is it becoming normal to try to crush those around us who simply have another view? Is it really just all about being a winner or a loser? Are we becoming numb to the idea of grabbing what we can and selling it to the highest bidder? Does watching lack of loyalty to the whole in the name of expediency and self aggrandizement encourage us to follow suit?
We have to be careful to not steamroll others with our own view of how things should run. For within our ideas lie our own ambition and within our ambition lies our personal agenda which is only human to have, but not usually helpful.  If we don’t listen to those around us very carefully our ambition can quickly become blind.  When we do that, it may seem as if we are getting ahead, and we may very well be in the short term.  But, in pursuit of our personal goals we may just destroy everything around us in the process.
I recently read “Powerhouse – The Untold Story of CAA.”  Fascinating and in many ways inspiring.  But, it’s easy to forget that at it’s core, it’s a cautionary tale.  In the end, although extremely successful and wealthy, Ovitz and company managed to destroy friendships, long time working relationships and each other.  At a certain point, they forgot why they started the company in the first place and were no longer working together.  Instead, they were working against each other and the greater good of the group that was so tight in the beginning.  All for blind ambition, power and greed.
Ambition is good when it’s purpose is for something beyond ourselves.  It’s good when we’re making a difference not just in the day to day of helping our clients, our co-workers and our families,  but in making the world a better, more gentle and honest place. That is accomplished by examining the how and why of the way we as individuals and as a group are doing things.
Ambition should feel great.  It should feel like you’re at the best beach party you can imagine, laughing with your friends and together feeding a warm bonfire.   That is the joy of feeling successful together. But be careful. If you see the bonfire going down, don’t run back to the house by yourself and comeback with the furniture and doors.  You’ll eventually throw the whole house on the fire.  Instead, to bring that bonfire back up, scour the beach together for more wood.
I make it sound easy, it’s not. It takes putting your agenda aside. It takes listening respectfully,  being calm, having empathy, giving honest feedback and aligning towards a common cause. Not aligning against each other, individually or in groups.
If Ambition feels anything but great, don’t bother looking at others as the reason why it doesn’t.  Look to yourself and do a careful examination to make sure your purpose is truly beneficial to those around you.  If it’s not, you may be going blind.